Dogs

There are two kinds of people in the world; dog people and non dog people. Almost everyone in my life is a dog person. Dog people understand that to not have a dog by your side when you take a walk or laying around the house is just not right. To come home and not have a dog to greet you is just empty. So, we have dogs. Sometimes just one, sometimes a couple. At one time when our family got together we had 7 dogs all running around. It was crazy...but sorta normal. I remember when Dakota used to get the stick and then all the dogs would chase him around trying to get it from him. It was like he was their personal trainer...and Alf would bark at him non stop until someone got the stick from him and gave it to Alf. Ahhhh quiet. And there was Budget...Amy's dog that was big and fluffy and mostly blind. And Emmet, a lab with no brain whatsoever. And Aspen....a sweet dog with a bitchy side. And dog people understand that as much as dogs enrich our lives..there is going to come the day when you have to make that terrible decision to let them go. Thank god we can have control over that so that your best friend doesn't have to suffer.

And that leads me to my mom's dog, Kal....who had to be put down yesterday. Kal was an excellent dog. I mean really excellent. He was a husky mix and the smartest dog I know. Seriously, you could watch that dog think. Kal was rescued from a neighbor who thought it was mean to have him tied up all the time. They trained this dog and then gave it to my parents after my dad answered an ad in the paper. And what a life Kal had with them! Forty acres of forest to call his own......well stocked with chipmunks to chase! And he was just happy to take himself on a walk or go with you when you took one. You could always tell where he was by the white tip of his tail above the sage brush. And I am telling you he put his tail up there so you could see where he was....he was that smart and considerate. And he had a long life.....more than 14 years. So, Kal's ok...maybe he's even re-connecting with my dad who just yelled to Kal across heaven... (Oh, my dad can yell loud!) But my mom is sad...and we are all sad to have to bury another friend in the pet cemetery on the property. But we will move on and get another dog who needs a great home...knowing full well that this could happen again. But it doesn't matter...the joy far outweighs the pain.
To Kal....goodbye sweet boy. You were a good dog. Monkey and I will miss you.

Solution sunglasses

You know how Memorial Day weekend is; everyone is just amped from being stuck indoors all winter. And for us, this year...it has been a looooooong winter that really isn't over yet. Sigh. But, dammit, it's Memorial Day weekend and we are going camping!! So everyone is like a kid whose been fed 3 cupcakes in school and is finally released out into the playground....running, head down, arms flailing screaming at the top of their lungs. I was around many such people this weekend, some kids, mostly adults...and machinery.Uh oh. That's right, all terrain vehicles. And these people were completely fearless in their quest to see just how well these vehicles could perform under adverse conditions. There was rain, sure. There was runoff from a heavy snow year, there were swamps, there was blow down and sometimes there were even actual trails to follow. I was along for the ride...and it was all fun and games and excitement until I broke my face on the roll cage on one of them. So my solution all week is to wear sunglasses to hide the two really nice black eyes that I got as a result.

It's funny how people wanna know what happened when they see a ruined face like mine. They just cannot help themselves. I get it...I would do the same thing. But the truth is usually not as exciting a story as they hoped for. So I came up with a couple options: One is that I am dating again. (Hahahaha...now that is funny, I don't care who you are!) Another is that I wrestled a bear or maybe a badger. (People usually don't go for this one) and of course I can always just say two words that get people nodding their heads like they've been there and those two words are "bar fight." But honestly, the truth was plenty exciting enough.

The company that I was in this weekend was superb. Absolutely the nicest people I have met in a long time. I mean really nice. Not fake nice, not sugar sweet nice where your afraid to turn your back. I mean generous and genuinely happy to meet you and would do anything for you without batting an eye. People who understand the cycle of life and who can just chalk everything up to a shrug and a "shit happens." And fearless. They know they can fix anything. And if for some reason they can't fix it, then oh well. I know a lot of people like this, I really do. But I met some new ones this weekend and it always makes me feel better about the world when I do. It re-affirms what I believe about America. Rough, tough, hard work, ingenuity, fearlessness and courage.......and bullshitting around the fire! That's what makes the world go 'round.

A perfect solution for an imperfect world

There is so much terrible news that confronts us everyday. Of course now it's worse than ever due to these 24 hour news channels that have to fill the time with something! anything! that makes us think the world is gonna end any minute and we better stay glued to the TV so we know it's coming! Frankly, it's depressing, all this catastrophic world news. Why do I want to spend any time during the day being depressed if I can help it? I don't. That's why I get all my news by watching The Daily News with John Stewart. I get my coffee in the morning and watch last night's news in the only reasonable way that it should be reported: with complete sarcasm. Oh, and they lay the sarcasm on thick. I love it. The dictionary defines "sarcasm" as "a sharply mocking or contemptuous remark, typically utilizing statements or implications pointedly opposite or irrelevant to the underlying purport." Like I said, it's the only reasonable, honest way to report some of this crap. I once had a teacher tell the class that sarcasm is a "mean" sort of humor in that the Greek origin of the word means "to tear flesh" and that we "hurt" people when we use sarcasm. Boo hoo... sarcasm is honest. And I personally could not, would not, live in a world where it doesn't exist. Sorry.

How can we take some of these stories seriously.... without sarcasm? Such as the story of the J. Crew catalog that had the mom and her son advertising a cute striped shirt, and in the picture the little boy's toenails were painted pink. People on the real news were outraged by the blatant advertisement for transgender children. Seriously? Are there really people out there who think this is actual news? Now that really makes me want to "tear my flesh!" Painting your toenails doesn't even make you gay, I don't think....much less transgender. At least my brother would testify to that. He let his daughter paint his toenails one evening when we were all sitting around (probably watching the "real" news) because she was bored and asked and he said, "I don't care." Dad's say "I don't care" a lot....that's how I got a cat when I was a kid. I asked my dad when he was trying to sleep and he said either, "go away," or "I don't care," and voila, I had a cat.

How can we deal with any of the political news without sarcasm? How can we not mock Donald Trump's bid for the White house? I like The Donald, and frankly, I might vote for him if he can convince me that his business practices are good for this country. But he was interviewed by Bill O'Reilly recently and he made the statement, "I make good decisions." I think he meant that he makes sound business decisions...which is true, he has a kajillion dollars, but how can we ignore the very bad decision he makes everyday when he walks out of the house with his hair looking the way it does? I mean, get real! Sure it might be a bit biting to bring that up, but it's true!

What I don't understand is how most of the talking heads can report some of this stuff with a straight face. They must be pinching themselves under the desk or on some serious sarcasm inhibiting drugs...something. Maybe they are Stepford reporters...that makes sense.

So, this is my solution for for the completely idiotic, sometimes scary stuff that is happening. Critics would say that I am not taking the state of our country seriously. That's right, I'm not..and what's worse...I'm not ashamed.

It's a relief

Everyone seems so disturbed by the meltdown that is Charlie Sheen right now. First of all, I don't believe that many are truly disturbed by it (it's just the sort of thing that we love to watch) and if they are, I don't understand why. I'm gonna tell you right now that I am on Charlie's side. Yes, there is some evidence that he has some problems. Maybe he parties too much. Maybe he has a slight mental disorder. Maybe he has some rage issues. OK, I hope he gets past them without hurting anyone. But in the meantime...he looks like he is having a pretty good time..and honestly, he isn't the only person with some issues, is he? I think he just might be a little more honest about his. But the biggest reason I am rooting for Charlie Sheen is because he is giving us all a break from the perfect, righteous, "blessed" celebrities that are setting a really bad example for the rest of us. I thank him for that! I am sooooo sick of all these do-gooder actors that are being hoisted up on those pedestals by the rest of us. How can we live up to their perfection? They work out five hours a day, they eat purely organic food, they drink fair trade coffee, they adopt starving children from around the world and they brag about just how "normal and boring" they really are. They are "blessed." Ugh....they are probably just as flawed as Charlie...they just keep a better lid on it.
The thing I like about Charlie Sheen is that he is tired of pretending that his life isn't great. He has gobs of money, he has two girlfriends in their 20's (men like that!) and he has access to everything he wants. Nice. Charlie is not trying to be perfect and righteous. Whew! It's refreshing. It's what we used to expect from Hollywood.....excess!! And it just feels more normal to me.
And maybe, just maybe there isn't one thing wrong with Charlie Sheen. Maybe he is just taking a different approach that most don't understand. That is certainly possible. Maybe he is just as sick of the righteous, judgemental people in this world as I am...and he is making a point. Just because we don't understand it doesn't mean he isn't right.

Where thanks are due

I have to thank my sister, Jennifer, for a couple things. First of all, she, her husband and their daughter (who is a member of Team Awesome, yours truly being the other member) brought me an early birthday present today...their old TV. No, this is cool. It is definitely an upgrade from my TV that was from the 80's I think. Anyway, now I can sit in any chair in my living room, not just the closest one and see the TV. And as nice as that gift is, that is not the main thing I want to thank her for. I mostly want to thank her for turning me onto the best show on TV: An Idiot Abroad.

Now let me digress for a moment. I know that the last blog was about TV and this blog is again about TV and some may think that I am wasting my life in front of the idiot box. Let me remind you that it is February/March this is the time of the year that you just hang on and do whatever you have to to make it through till spring makes an honest appearance. It's close, this spring.....but not quite here. When it happens I will be out there making better use of my time (whatever that is...)

Okay, back to An Idiot Abroad. Seriously the best travel show, ever...and there have been some good ones. The thing that sets it apart is that the "host," Karl, is like so many people out there that you encounter when you travel...he is an idiot. But he, unlike most idiots, seems to understand this and embrace it. He makes no apologies for the way he is. He doesn't care..he just wants to go home. Karl is what his friends refer to as "a typical Englander,"...he doesn't like being out of his comfort zone. So, what do they do? They send him waaaay out of his comfort zone. Karl sort of tries to be a good sport about it..grudgingly, and will vocalize how stupid and meaningless it all is. But he does what they tell him to and hopes it will be over soon. One reason that it's such a good travel show is because the places they put him up are more like where you and I would end up...some not so great..some downright scary. It's a travel show for real people....people who have no idea what they are doing.

The creators of the show (his mates) say they are trying to expand Karl's mind through travel. Nah, they just want to watch Karl stumble around the world so they can A)create good television and B) laugh at him. It's brilliant. But, Karl's mind will probably get expanded anyway..it has to. For instance..he learned that in third world countries, people are usually born into their jobs. It's not like they applied to be a goat milker...their father and grandfather before him were goat milkers and so he is a goat milker. That's just the way it is. Karl encountered a guy in Mexico who lost an eye from making fireworks. Fireworks builder is this guys profession. Karl exclaimed that "maybe this chap isn't the best man for the job." He seemed not to understand that a fireworks maker is what this guy is. And of course the man was proud of his profession...as he should be. Just because he had a few bumps in the road (i.e. being blinded by a firework accident) doesn't mean he should abandon who he is. It's dedication like we maybe cannot understand.

Karl has had to do a few reckless things with folks from around the world. He doesn't understand why. Another thing that Karl might learn from these activities, that he will possibly not learn in England, is that life is to be lived....it is not to be conserved, saved for later or really protected very much at all. What's the point of saving up all your living for later?? That has to be a good lesson for all of us.

As you can see, An Idiot Abroad is a win win situation. Karl's mates get to laugh at him and put some money in their pockets. The viewer gets to see some beautiful places and maybe learn something. And Karl...Karl gets to see the Seven Wonders of the world (most of which he never even heard of) and he acquires a vast amount of things to complain about. Everybody wins!!

I found it!!!

What did I find, you ask? Gold? No. My white bra? I found that a couple days ago, remember? My virginity? No, it's still lost. I found true happiness, that's what I found! Now for many, true happiness can be found gazing into a lover's eyes, or on top of a mountain, or after hours of sitting uncomfortably meditating, or halfway through running a marathon. For me, true happiness wasn't that far away or that hard to attain. For me it was a simple phone call to the cable company. The conversation went something like this. Me: "I can't live like this anymore." Cable company employee: "What do you mean, ma'am?" Me: "I need DVR." Cable company employee: "I understand completely." And poof, a few days later I am sitting in the comfort of my own living room skipping through the commercials. That is true happiness right there. To be more specific, not having to listen to the drug ads. They make me insane. Wait, there's a pill for that! UGH.

Now I have to tell you that this is not my first time with the DVR. I did have it back in the day when I was cool, when I had a real job and money to blow. I loved it then, but when I came back from my adventure in Reno, I went with the "just the basics." And having been without for about 2 years has given me much more appreciation for the simple things in life. I can't even tell you how downright giddy I felt when I could fast forward through the commercials. This is truly a sign of a civilized world...and I just couldn't not be a part of that anymore. So, I'm back, baby!

So, if something's got you down, like Valentine's day (true evil, that day) or the weather or just the ENTIRE MONTH OF FEBRUARY, do something nice for yourself. It can be something just as simple as what I have done. Love yourself. You will appreciate it!

Snow day!!

Yesterday was a snow day. I never had a snow day when I was a kid because we did not live in a place that snowed. I was always envious of those kids who got up in the morning to see that there's piles of snow outside and then find out that school is cancelled for the day. What a gift from the heavens!! Well, I got to experience that yesterday. I woke up to a bunch of heavy, wet snow and thought, great...looks like treacherous driving conditions today. Then I got the call that the massage place I work at in Bend was closing for the day. I was like, sweet! A day of sloth! And that is what it was; one movie, some reading and two naps.

Finally I decided to go outside and take the dog for a walk. As I was on the return leg of my walk I saw a group of unsupervised kids roaming the path in the canyon....it was, after all, a snow day for them as well, and they were probably bored with video games and such and decided to go look for trouble. There was a shopping cart that a group of unsupervised girls were playing with earlier..and left in the canyon. One boy declared that he was going to "toss the shopping cart off the top of the canyon." I thought, great, good use of your time, kid. Now, some of you might say that if I was a responsible adult that I would have intervened here and said, "no, you little punk, you shouldn't do that." But let me make this clear to you now. Unless there is someone getting hurt, the days of me interrupting your roving bands of delinquent brats are over. I did that for over 20 years with very little gratitude. I have done my part and frankly, it is not my responsibility. So the one kid (all his friends were ignoring him....they realized just how stupid he was) started hauling the shopping cart up the cement stairs. He got it up about 4 stairs. Then he let it go. I started laughing. How frickin' lazy can you be? See, that's what's wrong with our country these days. That is what's wrong with our youth. They will not take two minutes out of their completely unproductive day to commit an act of mild criminal mischief just for the pure joy of it. The second it becomes too hard and you don't have the masses jeering you on...you abandon all efforts. Pitiful.

Speaking of that...do you know where your kids are?