I found it!!!

What did I find, you ask? Gold? No. My white bra? I found that a couple days ago, remember? My virginity? No, it's still lost. I found true happiness, that's what I found! Now for many, true happiness can be found gazing into a lover's eyes, or on top of a mountain, or after hours of sitting uncomfortably meditating, or halfway through running a marathon. For me, true happiness wasn't that far away or that hard to attain. For me it was a simple phone call to the cable company. The conversation went something like this. Me: "I can't live like this anymore." Cable company employee: "What do you mean, ma'am?" Me: "I need DVR." Cable company employee: "I understand completely." And poof, a few days later I am sitting in the comfort of my own living room skipping through the commercials. That is true happiness right there. To be more specific, not having to listen to the drug ads. They make me insane. Wait, there's a pill for that! UGH.

Now I have to tell you that this is not my first time with the DVR. I did have it back in the day when I was cool, when I had a real job and money to blow. I loved it then, but when I came back from my adventure in Reno, I went with the "just the basics." And having been without for about 2 years has given me much more appreciation for the simple things in life. I can't even tell you how downright giddy I felt when I could fast forward through the commercials. This is truly a sign of a civilized world...and I just couldn't not be a part of that anymore. So, I'm back, baby!

So, if something's got you down, like Valentine's day (true evil, that day) or the weather or just the ENTIRE MONTH OF FEBRUARY, do something nice for yourself. It can be something just as simple as what I have done. Love yourself. You will appreciate it!

Snow day!!

Yesterday was a snow day. I never had a snow day when I was a kid because we did not live in a place that snowed. I was always envious of those kids who got up in the morning to see that there's piles of snow outside and then find out that school is cancelled for the day. What a gift from the heavens!! Well, I got to experience that yesterday. I woke up to a bunch of heavy, wet snow and thought, great...looks like treacherous driving conditions today. Then I got the call that the massage place I work at in Bend was closing for the day. I was like, sweet! A day of sloth! And that is what it was; one movie, some reading and two naps.

Finally I decided to go outside and take the dog for a walk. As I was on the return leg of my walk I saw a group of unsupervised kids roaming the path in the canyon....it was, after all, a snow day for them as well, and they were probably bored with video games and such and decided to go look for trouble. There was a shopping cart that a group of unsupervised girls were playing with earlier..and left in the canyon. One boy declared that he was going to "toss the shopping cart off the top of the canyon." I thought, great, good use of your time, kid. Now, some of you might say that if I was a responsible adult that I would have intervened here and said, "no, you little punk, you shouldn't do that." But let me make this clear to you now. Unless there is someone getting hurt, the days of me interrupting your roving bands of delinquent brats are over. I did that for over 20 years with very little gratitude. I have done my part and frankly, it is not my responsibility. So the one kid (all his friends were ignoring him....they realized just how stupid he was) started hauling the shopping cart up the cement stairs. He got it up about 4 stairs. Then he let it go. I started laughing. How frickin' lazy can you be? See, that's what's wrong with our country these days. That is what's wrong with our youth. They will not take two minutes out of their completely unproductive day to commit an act of mild criminal mischief just for the pure joy of it. The second it becomes too hard and you don't have the masses jeering you on...you abandon all efforts. Pitiful.

Speaking of that...do you know where your kids are?

Missing anything?

Do you lose stuff sometimes? Now, I am not talking to those people who misplace everything...those people who can never find their keys. I am talking to those folks who are reasonably neat and organized but who sometimes just cannot find one thing....usually an article of clothing, say a bra or a hat or a sandal. And maybe you don't miss it right away...but then after a while you think to yourself, "I thought I just bought a new white bra?? Where the heck is it?" So you look in all the usual places. Nothing. Well, I have a suggestion: Look in your luggage. I swear, every time I haven't seen something in a while, I end up finding it in a pocket on a duffel bag or suitcase that I haven't used in a while. One time I was convinced that this girl who was over at my house once stole a ball cap that says "it's all about me." This hat was a gift from a friend who knew that "it's all about me" and I liked it. Well, I accused this girl of stealing my hat (well, not to her face...because I really had no proof) for over three years. We still refer to her as "the hat stealer" even though she was vindicated when I got out a piece of luggage I hadn't used in a really long time and I slid my hand into one of the outside pockets and came out with my hat. I felt pretty bad that I had blamed this girl for so long. But I was also pretty happy that I found my sweet hat! And it happened again the other day when I was laying in bed thinking, "didn't I buy 2 bras before Christmas? Why am I only wearing one of them?" And then before I could blame anyone falsely for stealing from me...a voice came into my head and said, "check your suitcase you idiot." And so I did and voila....my brand new white bra was right there! And on a side note...you know that your missing socks are in the corners of your fitted sheets, right?

Don't be like me. Look before you blame.