Regret

I have had this sense of regret around me lately. This is new..I don't remember feeling sorrow over doing something or not doing something (as is more often the case)...but there it is...and I can't shake it. But then I looked the word up and I'm not sure it is what I feel. The dictionary says that regret means "to feel sorry, disappointed or distressed about, a sense of loss, distress over a desire unfulfilled or an action performed or not performed." This doesn't fit the bill for me. I am not mourning anything...I just wish I could go back and not let a certain person into my life. I want to undo it. I don't think that is the same thing. It is all so uncool to admit regret in today's world. The "I-am-so-blessed-crowd" will tell you that you should never regret anything....because you can always learn from your mistakes, that pain helps weave the tapestry that is your life...blah blah blah. Well, yeah, I guess that is technically true but who wants to hear that? I read a quote from someone anonymous..."I regret every chance I missed at protecting myself from being hurt." Yes! That's it exactly! That is what I regret! I wish I could go back in time and say "no thanks!" That's what I want.

But of course, as is often the case, I am not gonna get what I want. And that leads me back to my heart issues and how to solve them. My blood pressure is reasonable, and I feel way better. I looked up what Louise Hay has to say about the BP ailment and she says that hypertension is due to a "long-standing emotional problem not solved." And she says that your self-talk mantra should be something like "I joyously release the past. I am at peace." I don't think I have any long-standing emotional problems..this one is pretty new. But I think her self-talk thing is probably appropriate. Sure can't hurt. It's always fun to see what Louise has to say about things in one of her books like, "You Can Heal Your Life" but she can be almost too simplistic. Of course, in the Reiki realm, I think the heart chakra has more to do with how you feel about yourself than anyone else...remember "I love myself, I love myself...and all that?" And according to Bach (the flower therapy guy who I have talked about before) I should get some Pine Bach Therapy. He says that Pine relates to the soul qualities of regret and forgiveness. To help me forgive me for not protecting myself, right? I think I am starting to get it.

So, I wish I could go back about one year and make a different decision. But I can't (and I have to interject here that I have never felt this "I wish I hadn't" thing before, except after a particulary hearty party.) The problem is that the lesson I have learned so far is "don't trust someone with your heart because they are not gonna take care of it." I am afraid that this is not a good lesson. I don't want to be one of those people who is all closed up. I guess there is no real solution here but caution. Caution caution caution. Maybe I should get some of that yellow tape and wrap it around myself. But I look terrible in yellow.

It is so easy to distract yourself from, well.....life... during the summer. You can just concentrate on the sun and the activities that come with warmth and light. But this morning it feels like fall. It is f-ing cold out there. And that means I am gonna have to get back to reality soon. Just like all you kids that have to go back to school. Ugh...maybe that's what I regret...that it can't be summer all the time.

The status of my heart

Well...so far my blood pressure has gone from about 130/89 (with some fluctuation of course) to 113/82... consistently. That's pretty good. I have been practicing the breathing that HeartMath recommends to (eventually) get to "coherence." Right now I am just focusing on getting to "neutral." They use the term neutral in relation to a standard shift car...as in you have to get to neutral before you put it into gear. For some reason I like that...as if you are getting your heart in position to be open for whatever possibilities are out there. HeartMath is a whole program with a workbook and everything and you have a consultant or provider who helps you through the process. I have only just started, but I am so impressed with the results already. I started focusing on my heart and then focused on breathing through my heart. You do this for a few minutes everyday. Within one day I felt the block in my heart chakra clear. I don't know how to explain this.. I am a Reiki practitioner so I have some experience here and I just feel it. I felt calmer and more in control and well, just better.

I have never been one to sit and meditate. I feel like I clear my mind better when I am moving around...like going for a walk or when I am working sometimes. But the result when you are doing the breathing exercises is much the same. When you are focusing on your breath you are not thinking about anything else. If your mind drifts..then the little machine that you have attached to your earlobe busts you. It's ok...it just gently reminds you to sharpen your focus...and get back to "neutral." It's so simple, it's crazy!

For some reason, the "add a link" thing doesn't work...so here is the address: www.heartmath.com if you want to get more information. I hate it when things don't work!

So, more later.

The real cure

Update: I have been doing some breathing exercises in accordance with the HeartMath outline and am happy to report that my blood pressure is down a bit. Sometimes it is really good, sometimes not so much. So I am working on it. And I do feel much better already.

But today I want to talk about something else that is good for your heart and that thing is fried green tomatoes. No, not the movie..although I like that flick..it's a good yarn. I am talking about the sweet, loving comfort that can only come from this delicacy. And because I am a most generous sort, I am gonna share the recipe with you so that you, too can experience the bliss.

I got this recipe from a woman who wore really big glasses. I mean plate size glasses..thus her nickname, "Plates." She was grumpy and caustic. I kinda liked her. She's passed on now...and I hope that they serve these on the other side!

Get yourself some green tomatoes and slice them in 1/2 inch slices.
Set up three shallow bowls. In the first one you put some flour, salt, a dash of sugar and a dash of cayenne.
In the second bowl whisk together one egg with a little milk.
In the third bowl put some coarsely crushed corn flakes.

In a nonstick skillet heat 1 Tbl unsalted butter and 1 Tbl olive oil over medium heat until the foam from the butter subsides.

Dredge one slice at a time in flour, egg wash then the corn flakes (press the cornflakes into the tomato) and place in skillet. Make sure you don't burn the corn flakes! Fry for about 2-3 mins per side then transfer onto a baking sheet and place in oven at 375 degrees for about 10 mins until tender.

Now I suppose that some people would tell me that the best thing for my heart is to shy away from "frying" anything. Yeah, well....life ain't perfect and a little pat of butter never killed anyone.

I like the tartness of the green tomatoes...it tastes fresh. My mom, on the other hand, likes to take regular red tomatoes and fry them up somehow until they are sort of like pulp then make a gravy out of the whole mess and slop it onto a plate. I mean, seriously...she would bathe in that crap if she could. Whatever...different weirdness for different folks.

Later! Breathe and eat, people!!