Massage

Let's talk about massage for a minute, OK? Obviously, I am a massage therapist. This may not seem like that big of a deal to you, but, to me, it is a very big deal indeed. Like many people, I have always worked. When my husband was alive, I worked because he couldn't. It never occurred to me to not work. I don't feel extraordinary in this...lots of people work way harder than I ever did. But when the dust settled after my husband's death, I realized that the work I was doing as a juvenile probation officer was not providing me with a sense of accomplishment any longer. Politics, and bureaucracy and very irresponsible parenting made it all but impossible to rectify bad situations in a satisfying way. And I just got tired of it. Now, I absolutely could have stayed in my job for the next 13 years until retirement with the outside world being none the wiser. But I just couldn't do it. So I took myself to massage school. I had always been interested in alternative and eastern health remedies, and felt like massage was a good fit; school did not take thousands of years, it was not going to put me in debt, and it was beautiful in it's simplicity...but challenging all at the same time. It had it's ups and downs, but it was totally worth it. I love doing massage. Now here's where the jokes come in, right? I know...I have heard them all and I have laughed at the jokes...because they're funny and my skin is not that thin. But let's look at the serious side for a moment; massage is an ancient healing art that deserves some respect. There is so much to learn about the miracle of the human body. The simplest, focused, trained touch can improve someones life tremendously. That's downright noble don't you think? After years of trying to fix broken lives and not being able to..it's no wonder that I am amazed each and every time I release a tight muscle and ease someones pain. It's not me...it's the training and the technique and the thousands of years of knowledge. But I can't help feeling satisfied all the same.

So when it came to my attention that many people (well, men mostly) are uncomfortable with their wives or girlfriends giving massage to the other half of the population, I was confused...and angry. To think that there is anything shady going on during a massage is a testament to epic distrust for the massage therapist and nothing more. The MT is in control of that situation, believe me. And every massage is so much like a puzzle that you sort of forget that it's an actual person on the table....it's a series of muscles and tissues that needs to be solved. To equate a massage with the five second "back rub" a man gives his girlfriend or wife in the hope that it leads to sex is so ridiculous that I want to laugh. To those people who think that way I say, "grow the ^$#@ up!" Also, I say when are people going to understand that we don't possess each other? If someone you love has a job or career that they really enjoy don't be threatened by it as if they can't love their profession and you too. Good grief...be happy that they love what they do..and if you don't like what you do everyday then maybe you should think about being brave enough to make a change. My friend Eric used to say all the time, "don't blow out my candle to make yours burn brighter." It sort of applies here. Get over yourselves, men. Seriously!

The stupidest solution of all

Great news, everybody! Our omnipotent government has found the solution for obesity! Finally!

The talking heads love to remind us constantly that our fatness is at "epidemic proportions" and is a "crisis" that is so significant it warrants action of our government. Well, I figured that when the first lady took this cause under her well-toned wings, that our weight as a nation would plummet. Strangely, this did not happen. Huh! So the government's Plan B is to have the FDA change the food pyramid! Why didn't they think of this earlier? Of course this is the solution here. Everyone goes by that thing. Don't we?

The question that is nagging me, of course, is "how many people get paid a six-figure salary to come up with this crap?"

Personally, I think that a better solution would be to drop the price of produce. When you can get three things off the dollar menu at McDonald's or one bell pepper...and you are really hungry...what are a lot of people gonna do? I'm just sayin'.......

When life gives you lemons.....

When you get a text from your niece one evening saying, "Can I come over tomorrow?" DO NOT PANIC. Don't automatically start running through the questions, "What am I gonna do with an 11 year old all day? How early in the morning is she gonna be here? When is she gonna leave? Do I have any string cheese?" Instead, embrace the gift of a kid for the day and put that kid to work! The only question you should have is, "do child labor laws apply in this situation?"

So my niece and I built a porch swing (yes, some assembly required.) And things were going pretty well, until we discovered that there was a right and left piece and of course we put those pieces on backwards. That's when the swearing started. That kid will never have to ask what a bad word means. She knows them all. (I am a very bad aunt.) After I calmed down...she just looked at me and said, "I'm not undoing all of that." But we took a break and had some lunch and then we did just that. And hey, it went a lot smoother the second time!

And the swing is the most comfortable, restorative place to sit and contemplate all the things in your life that hit a glitch, but still work out. It's also a pretty inexpensive way to bring some shade to your patio. The dog moved in under it right away.

Thanks, A..you are a rock star...and good job with the rubber mallet!

Go green

I don't mean GO GREEN in the way you think I do. I mean make your poop green by adding green drinks to your diet! I think I wrote a blog before about chlorophyll, but I probably did not do a great job of explaining why it's so good for you. Well, I now have help. My good friend from massage school sent me a book written by one of our teachers. She is a Doctor of Natural Medicine, among other things, and knows a lot about chlorophyll. Her name is Toni Fain and her book is titled You Should Know This Stuff: Cheap and Effective Tools to Get Healthy and Stay Healthy. And this is what she says about chlorophyll: "Included in your daily diet of nutrients should be one the the 'green drinks.' There are about 5 0r 6 main green drinks: blue-green algae, spirulina, Green Magma and wheat grass, etc. Each of these contains the 'lifeblood' of plants--chlorophyll.
"Chlorophyll's chemistry is so close to our own blood...it's the cleanest, purest, freshest blood tonic I can think of! Chlorophyll is very similar to human blood. It detoxifies the liver and is an antioxidant. It calms nerves and alleviates insomnia. Liquid chlorophyll has valuable antiseptic qualities and yet is soothing and healing to all tissues." She goes on with some heavy science...but I won't include that here. I drink it everyday and I know it makes me feel good. It does turn your poop green...but that is a good thing! I mostly use the Chlor-Oxygen concentrated stuff that is made with alfalfa. But sometimes I buy the kind that is made with nettles. Toni is a big believer is mixing things up....don't just stay with one brand or one type. Did you know that alfalfa is the most nutritionally rich land plant because its roots can extend up to six feet into the earth, absorbing more nutrients from the soil? Deep soil has not been exposed to the pollution in the air, pesticides, etc., and is therefore more nutrient-rich. Did you know that?

Try it and see if your energy level improves!!

Well, I tried

If you read my blog from yesterday you know that I tried to give my business to a small, local guy yesterday instead of going to the huge box store. Well, I give my experience a D-. They didn't totally fail, but they came pretty close.

So I show up for my eye appointment on time, like I always do. I chatted with the owner for a few minutes who I have known casually for many years. He remembered me and we had a nice conversation. Then he asked if I was going to be buying new frames today. I told him no, today was just going to be for the eye exam, and that I would have to buy glasses later. He asked "why don't you just get it done all at once." Well, I was hoping that he would tell me what kind of deals they have going on now...but he didn't. So I told him that I can't afford to do both right now, (which I wanted to say, "thanks for embarassing me and making me admit it.") This is partially true. The other truth is that I am looking for a good deal on glasses. I am pretty sure that doesn't make me a bad person. So, as soon as he realized that I wasn't going to order glasses right now, he was done with me. Exit owner.

By this time 20 minutes have gone by and I have not been rescued from the waiting room yet. So I asked the none-too-friendly receptionist if I was going to be sitting there much longer. She said. "I hope not." You hope not? Really? OK, so I am officially getting pissed now. A couple minutes later, in saunters the "Doctor." He's a young, skinny guy who thinks he is "all that!" Instantly I am not impressed. He calls me to the back and starts the exam. I try to tell him that my needs for glasses has changed. I get about four words out of my mouth before he goes off on some stupid explanation about I'm not sure what. Thanks for listening, Doc. I calmly wait him out with that expression on my face that tells people I am so not impressed with you...(those of you who know me know this face well) then I persist with my "needs talk." He sort of listens but will not make eye contact with me. Not one time! He is an eye doctor! Isn't that his job....to look me in the eye? I was almost cracking up with the irony of it all. Anyway, whatever...he goes on blah blah blah that whoever issued my last glasses was all wrong and that they are too much correction for my eyes, blah blah blah. I said, "maybe my eyes got better?" He did concede that that is possible. Vindicated! We decide on my prescription and I go up front to pay. I pay in cash money and ask the receptionist who must have a very bad life where my prescription is.(I have decided that I will not be coming back here...I will take the prescription THAT I JUST PAID FOR and buy glasses elsewhere. Maybe Costco.) The receptionist says that I have to ask for that. What? Since when? She too pleasantly says I can have a seat and wait for it or come back. Final straw. I express my displeasure at that and tell her I have always gotten the little piece of paper when I get my eyes checked. She says again, "you have to ask for that." I told her that, obviously, I did not know that, and I will be back in a few minutes to get it. Thanks for the added errand,lady.
Maybe that is the reason people are going to franchises and big businesses. They don't want to have to deal with the tacky guilt trip laid at their feet from the small businesses who have had to struggle in these economic times. I, for one, am not the reason for the bad economy. I think I might be responsible for global warming...but that is where I draw the line!