A perfect solution for an imperfect world

There is so much terrible news that confronts us everyday. Of course now it's worse than ever due to these 24 hour news channels that have to fill the time with something! anything! that makes us think the world is gonna end any minute and we better stay glued to the TV so we know it's coming! Frankly, it's depressing, all this catastrophic world news. Why do I want to spend any time during the day being depressed if I can help it? I don't. That's why I get all my news by watching The Daily News with John Stewart. I get my coffee in the morning and watch last night's news in the only reasonable way that it should be reported: with complete sarcasm. Oh, and they lay the sarcasm on thick. I love it. The dictionary defines "sarcasm" as "a sharply mocking or contemptuous remark, typically utilizing statements or implications pointedly opposite or irrelevant to the underlying purport." Like I said, it's the only reasonable, honest way to report some of this crap. I once had a teacher tell the class that sarcasm is a "mean" sort of humor in that the Greek origin of the word means "to tear flesh" and that we "hurt" people when we use sarcasm. Boo hoo... sarcasm is honest. And I personally could not, would not, live in a world where it doesn't exist. Sorry.

How can we take some of these stories seriously.... without sarcasm? Such as the story of the J. Crew catalog that had the mom and her son advertising a cute striped shirt, and in the picture the little boy's toenails were painted pink. People on the real news were outraged by the blatant advertisement for transgender children. Seriously? Are there really people out there who think this is actual news? Now that really makes me want to "tear my flesh!" Painting your toenails doesn't even make you gay, I don't think....much less transgender. At least my brother would testify to that. He let his daughter paint his toenails one evening when we were all sitting around (probably watching the "real" news) because she was bored and asked and he said, "I don't care." Dad's say "I don't care" a lot....that's how I got a cat when I was a kid. I asked my dad when he was trying to sleep and he said either, "go away," or "I don't care," and voila, I had a cat.

How can we deal with any of the political news without sarcasm? How can we not mock Donald Trump's bid for the White house? I like The Donald, and frankly, I might vote for him if he can convince me that his business practices are good for this country. But he was interviewed by Bill O'Reilly recently and he made the statement, "I make good decisions." I think he meant that he makes sound business decisions...which is true, he has a kajillion dollars, but how can we ignore the very bad decision he makes everyday when he walks out of the house with his hair looking the way it does? I mean, get real! Sure it might be a bit biting to bring that up, but it's true!

What I don't understand is how most of the talking heads can report some of this stuff with a straight face. They must be pinching themselves under the desk or on some serious sarcasm inhibiting drugs...something. Maybe they are Stepford reporters...that makes sense.

So, this is my solution for for the completely idiotic, sometimes scary stuff that is happening. Critics would say that I am not taking the state of our country seriously. That's right, I'm not..and what's worse...I'm not ashamed.